Women at Work: Single moms have struggles, rewards

We all know that parenting is a tough job. It doesn’t matter if your kids are saints or not. There are still activities, meals, schedules, family time and spouse time to organize — not to mention a little “mom” time. If you are frustrated now and then, and you do have a spouse, imagine doubling the frustration and going it alone if you’re a single, working mother.

 Statistically speaking, what does an “average” single mother look like? According to the U.S. Census Bureau:

• 44 percent of mothers are currently divorced or separated.

• 33 percent have never been married.

• 79 percent are gainfully employed.

• 27 percent of single mothers and their children live in poverty.

• 31 percent receive public assistance.

• 44 percent have two or more children.

But do these statistics really tell you anything about the single working mother? I had the opportunity to talk with three young women from the Rochester area who are raising their children alone, for the most part.

Other than being single working mothers, they all have a few things in common, including that they attend PAIIR classes, specifically a Single Parent Support Class. According to Elissa Robinson, who works at Prosthetic Laboratories and is raising two boys, ages 8 and 4, when the going gets tough, participants can all relate in class and speak freely as they are all experiencing the same struggles.

Cassidy Harmon, is raising her 3-year-old son alone. She works two jobs to make ends meet, and says she feels supported by the companies she works for because both have been flexible when necessary and are able to schedule some of her hours around evening activities she and her son have.

Noel Berthiaume has worked at Samaritan Bethany Heights as the recreation director/volunteer coordinator for 4-1/2 years. She too believes her company is very supportive in helping her with the craziness of raising her 7-year-old son alone and working full time as well.

These three women also identify the same challenge as their biggest: a feeling of guilt about not being able to give all the time and energy they would like to their children. They know they have to work, so in their spare time, they give their undivided attention to the kids and have them in activities such as swimming, Bible study, T-ball and simply hanging out with each other. They benefit from being with each other as the kids can have play dates and they have another adult to talk with.

We asked each what their one piece of advice to other single working mothers would be. Elissa’s includes swallowing your pride. “Life isn’t easy as a single mother, but it’s OK to ask for help when you need it,” she said. There are resources out there, and you should seek them out.

Cassidy’s advice is for those who are thinking about going back to school, which she has done. Make sure you seek out grants and scholarships, she said.

Noel’s advice? Realize “you’re not alone.” Find a Bible study or a support group and make time to be with others like you.

In closing, a single working mother’s job is not an easy one. They must act as both the mother and the father for a majority of the time. They sacrifice a lot to be in the position they are in, but being in this position has its pluses, too.

• You get to kiss every boo boo.

• You are the one who gets to comfort your child when they are sick.

• You’ve created a warm and loving home.

• You will have taught them the value of hard work.

• You get to read to them.

• You demonstrate resilience and determination every day.

• Your kids know they’re loved.

• Above all, your kids are proud of you too.

Women at Work, written by Kristen Asleson and Kim Radke, is a weekly column about women in the business world.

Tags: alone, frustrated, parenting, Stress, working moms