Still Waiting…
January 9, 2012
Dear God,
Hurry up and give me PATIENCE.
Humph! In my series of “What To Do While Waiting” I was really attempting to exercise patience. Patience has never been my strong point. Especially the kind of patience required after you have done all you can do to prepare for the next level in life. I’ve always been good at “keeping busy”. Writing books, starting groups, going to school, studying universal law, volunteering, creating nonprofits. Whew! A whole lot of something, yet nothing when you look at the grand scheme of things. These things were done because I simply didn’t have the discipline to sit still. Most people look at these things as accomplishments and yes, I was able to create something out of nothing and use my time constructively, but at the core of it all the whole point was to wait, be content, listen and move in line with the Divine.
Sounds so simple, but to someone who struggles with impatience it can be extremely difficult to maintain your Zen when your mind is miles ahead of where you want to be. Out of everything I have done while “waiting” I must say that writing my book was the most in line with the Divine, because it brought me closer to who I’m purposed to be.
Writing is the ONLY thing that gives me that unexplainable joy and connection to the other that completes me, however at this point even writing has not provided me with that sanctuary that was so easy to access with pen and paper. So, I have concluded that this is that point that everyone comes to where it’s just YOU and GOD. You are stripped of degrees, titles, accomplishments, who you are through family, friends and loved ones and you are simply the YOU that came into this world alone. No, it’s not scary for me. I’m too curious to be scared. It’s just very different and nervously boring. You know the kind of nervous you get when you have a moment of silence with someone you either really like or don’t like?
It’s the time when the ground has been tilled, the seeds have been planted and the waters have come to nurture, the sun has risen the sun has set the moon is out, the sun is back up…..and nothing. You look outside at your crop and wonder; did I plant the right thing at the right time? Does the crop have enough water? Is the soil okay? Should I go back out and dig up and replant? Then you hear something that says, “You just have to wait”.
Hummm…Okay. Well what do you do after you have waited? Wait some more. Who hates waiting more than I do? Especially when deep in my own mind I know I have waited long enough and start to feel like the rest of this stuff is just BS! I feel like a well trained race horse waiting in the stall to hear the gun fire signal that it’s my time to run. Training was grueling, but at least I was busy. However, after all that back breaking training the hardest part is smelling the opportunity, feeling the atmosphere of harvest, tasting the residue of steaming success, yet having to sit in this narrow starting gate in anticipation of production and rewards.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a job, relationship, wanting to start a family, buy a home, lose weight…the only thing that is consistent with everything in life is waiting. People say change is the only thing that is consistent. However, change is something that happens when you are not looking and you feel so unprepared. For some reason I can handle that, simply because I know I’m not prepared and there is nothing I can do. Resolve is something I’m very comfortable with when things are beyond my control. I get a strong sense of relief from that. However, when I have prepared, sacrificed waited, waited, gone back and covered all bases, waited and waited, yet still NOTHING. It is at this time my natural sense of resolve is challenged. This is the place that my soul has to finally be satisfied with NOTHING until SOMETHING happens. Wow!
Until next time I will go back to my college days and explore the philosophy of NOTHING, which is not really nothing. Its just the absence of something. And the beat goes on…In the meantime, meditate on THIS
Much love,
Peace
