May 22, 2010
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard women complain about how men lie and how they don’t want a “real” relationship.
It is so hard to get people to see that ALL relationships are reflections of who we are. If men are lying it is because deep down inside as a woman you are lying too. Many men and women both are taught from children that there are just certain things you don’t tell the opposite sex. For one reason or another mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles and many other influencial adults live lies in front of watching children and the message is passed from one generation to the next that women can’t handle the truth or that men can’t handle the truth.
People who feel better about themselves tell more truths. Discover who you really are!
Women tell their children, not to tell dad about her spending so much money at the store. Or dad will tell the kids, their mother doesn’t need to know about the lady they ran into at the park.
Kids get all kinds of signals from media, school, church, and adults that it’s okay for people who “love” each other to lie to one another.
As Chris Rock said, we present our “representative”, rather than who we really are when meeting people.
The bottom line is that truth, which is supposed to be natural has now become an acquired skill in life. People often lie because:
- They are afraid of rejection
- Are not comfortable with who they are
- Are wanting to get into relationships or jobs they know they are not suited for
- Are taught that lying is what it takes to get ahead
- Really do not know they are lying
Here are five reasons NOT to lie:
- Truth keeps you on track with your destiny
- Truth produces people and things in your life that are tailored to you
- Truth preserves your authentic self and brings out authenticity in others
- Truth kills that which needs to die and breaths life into that which is meant to live
- You can not have love without truth
The things you want in life will always slip through your hands when you are keeping important truths from those you are involved with. When I talk about truth-telling I am not saying that you have to go public about your innermost secrets to the media, however when you become involved with someone eventually they should know everything about you that could affect them.
There are times when celebrities, presidents, or other public figures have exes or enemies that want to air their dirty laundry. Most of the time those “dirty little secrets” have nothing to do with what the public is getting from the one being outed. I do not feel like everyone needs to know everything about you in order for you to be a truthful person, however, it is important that relevant truths are shared with those whom you become involved with.
For instance, if you are the president, I do not care who you have slept with or if you are cheating on your wife. I do care if you know how to balance a budget and have good foreign policy management. If you are my child’s baby sitter, I do not care how well you balance a budget or your political views, but I do want to know if you have hurt children in the past or if you have a bad temper.
When it comes to relationships 3 of the main things that one should be totally honest about is:
- Disease status
- How one feels about monogamy
- What is the level of self-love
This may sound like and unlikely list, but it covers everything from the physical, to the spiritual. Why?
- No one wants to be sick
- No one wants to be lied to and cheated on
- No one can love one who thinks he/she is unlovable.
I know everyone wants to talk about money, past relationships, career, family and such. But, what we miss is that self-love, health, and character is the foundation to all of the many things we are so focused on. Until we address the foundation of the matters we discuss, we will go in circles and appear to be unable to be satisfied.
How many times have you heard women say they wanted a man with money, however that very man may lie, lack self-love and have failing health. She will still be miserable until mind, body and soul issues are addressed. When I talk about relationship issues I do not discuss the trivial things, such as who still talks to their exes, who makes the most money, or who has the most education.
I stick to soul issues, because in the end that is all that matters.
- Does this person make you feel safe
- Does this person allow you to be you
- Does this person give you what you need, rather than what they think you should have
- Does this person stretch you to be your best
- Does this person have the power to hold you up when you are at your weakest
- Does this person resent his/her parents
- Does this person tell the truth at the expense of the relationship
- Does this person have very close friends and family
- Does this person know how to reach out for help when they are in trouble
- Does this person know how to talk things out even when they are angry
These are just a few questions that you need to know before you get too involved with someone. I never mentioned money, sex, beauty or stupid arguments that can not be resolved. I only focus on the person’s ability to love self, others, be honest, meet basic emotional needs. That is all a relationship needs to have a good foundation. Everything else will be built upon that.
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Until next time…
Reconstruct the world by reconstructing your mind. I know you can do it!