Single Parents Can Find the Love They Deserve if they Ask the Right Questions
May 25, 2009
Single Parents Can Find the Love They Deserve if they Ask the Right Questions
By Denise Turney @ http://www.chistell.com
Ask the Right Questions
Nearly all romantic relationships appear to start off on a right note. Flowers, gifts, candle lit dinners at popular restaurants, walks through the park and passion that seems like it will never end, not even if another Ice Age covered the earth again.
Early in a relationship it can feel like the romance and the feet-off-the-ground feelings will last forever. But that’s early in a relationship. Then the flowers fade, the smooth rhthym and blues cuts stop spinning and you’re left dealing with a failed relationship.
What can you do as a single parent to increase the likelihood that the next person you date will be a good match for you? Learning to ask the right questions starting with the very first date is an effective and positive first step toward achieving this goal.
Find Out What Drives Your Date
It’s essential that you find out what makes your date tick. This is important for all daters, but especially significant for single parents because as a single parent, if the dates continue and the relationship deepens, there is an increased likelihood that your date will interact with your children.
If you have young children who live at home with you, the stakes go up. Remember that you are not only being safe for yourself, you are also caring for your children each time you ask your date the right questions.
Each of us has a subconscious mind that works like a car motor. Often the conscious mind is not aware to what goes on in the subconscious. In fact, many of us are blind to the workings of the subconscious. Yet, it is the subconscious mind that creates thought and behavior patterns in us including fault finding, bickering, trust, distrust, blame, appreciation, manipulation, sincerity, adulterous behavior, monogamy, integrity, deception, peace, violence, resilience, accountability and sexual ly abusive behavior.
Know that whatever is in your date’s subconscious mind is what you are inviting into your life and what you may one day bring home. So, ask questions. You’re going to get the answers one day anyway. In this case, sooner is better than later.
*How often do you visit your parents?
*Are you and your siblings close?
*I like to walk when I feel anxious or stressed. What do you do to relax? (Raise a red flag if your date tells you that they do not get stressed, anxious, angry or afraid. Everyone experiences these feelings, so ask yourself why your date wants to hide the fact that they feel these emotions if they claim to never feel this way.)
*What do you do for fun?
*How often do you hang out with your friends? (A date who has good friends, close relationships with their relatives and who engages in activities that they enjoy separate from you are signs of a well balanced person.)
*I keep a budget. How important are healthy financial habits to you?
*What’s the most important thing in your life right now? (If your date answers that you are, probe further. After all, you two just met.)
*Describe five things that you love about children.
*Have you ever been disappointed? How did you handle it? (Again a date who tells you that they have not once been disappointed might be hiding something.)
*If you met another version of yourself while out on a nature walk, how would you react? What would you say to yourself? Would you want to spend the rest of the day with you? Why? (This is a very revealing question. Pay attention to the response. )
These are a few effective questions you can ask a date as a single parent. Reveal personality traits about yoruself as well. A date is not the time for you to be a private investigator. You are simply trying to probe and find out what is going on in your date’s subconscious, one of the mind’s key engines.
If you become concerned about your date’s responses, probe further. Avoid telling yourself to ignore red flags. Don’t try to convince yourself that your date will change. If you’re tempted to do this or to make excuses for your date’s behavior, think about how challenging it can be to break a serious addiction, because it takes that amount of focus and effort or more for a person to change subconscious thought and behavioral patterns. Bottom line is that your date is who he or she is. That’s what you are trying to find out.
In closing, you might also find it helpful to ask yourself these questions. You might be surprised at what you find. After all, two people come into every romantic relationship. You are one of the people.
